Can't sleep...

Do you ever have those moments that you wish you could freeze time? That you realize that life is moving too quickly, things are happening so fast that you feel you don't have enough time to truly soak up the moments? 

I had a moment like this tonight. I don't know why. I was making my usual rounds before I got into bed, locking the doors, turning off lights, picking up stray cars, dolls, socks, shoes, hair bows as I made my way up stairs only to remember I forgot my phone and Emma's bottle. So I go back down stairs and come back up stairs put my things down and check on the kids. I go into Ty's room first. He still sleeps like he did when he was a 6 month old. All over the place, mouth wide open, eyes half open. I kissed him, told him I loved him then walked down the hall to Maylee. She falls out of bed about 3 times a night and whimpers until you come get her and put her back in bed. She sleeps just like her brother, mouth open, eyes half open. I kissed her and told her that I loved her and I started to cry. 

Ty always wants me to "lie down with him for a little bit" at night or before nap time. Maylee will put her little arms around my neck every afternoon at nap time and at bed time pleading with her eyes not to go. All my kids love to hold my hand, they love to give me kisses, they all LOVE to sit on my lap and give me big hugs. They come running to see me when I get back from going any where alone. They follow me and ALWAYS want me to play with them. They always want me to read to them. Ty tells me all the time that I am "his best girl" and Maylee spontaneously runs to me and gives me a big hug and a kiss almost hourly. Man those kids melt my heart and it leaks out my eye balls. 

I struggle a lot thinking that I just want FIVE MINUTES alone, I just want to go somewhere with out the kids. I just want to be by myself! Then I realize in a few short years, Ty won't think it's cool to hold my hand anymore, he'll be too big to sit on my lap and we probably wont both fit in his bed for me to scratch his back while he falls asleep. Maylee wont always be clinging to my neck pleading for me to sing her one more song before she has to sleep, she wont always let me dance with her in the kitchen on my hip. 

I just want to stop, just freeze, right now, this second. I want to try and remember what its like to be a Mom of three babies really. I hardly find time to get things I want done, my house is always just on the edge of messy that it drives me insane, new toys are spread all over the house in a moment. I am constantly wiping up Peanut Butter faces, washing out stains in clothes and the carpet. I am always saying things like "Please be kind to one another" or "Please be careful with that." and noticing my shirt blotted in little sisters tears from falling off the bench. I'm always hand washing the favorite spoon because I'm behind on the dishes. I'm almost always holding one of the three telling another that "I only have two hands and as soon as I am done _______ then I can help you with your __________" I am ALWAYS exhausted but you know what, doing it all for them and always being there for them makes it worth it. I love my little family so much. 

p.s. just while writing this, every single child has started crying in their sleep and the two that can talk both called for mom. Love those munchkins, and I always will.