Lately I have been struggling with the stage of life Matt and I find ourselves in right now; the poor college student family always trying to think about how to pay for next semesters tuition and books, the next child, the next car break down or house payment. We struggle with tightening our budgeting belt so much that we are on the last hole and wish there was just one more so we could tighten again. We wonder if Matt will ever graduate and when he does what kind of jobs will be out there, where will we live, what will he do, how much will he be paid?
Ugh next year, even next month there are certain uncertainties that I am not particularly fond of thinking about. It's been driving me crazy. I like knowing, I like consistency! I have come to find that I roll with the punches like the best of them but I feel like I have been boxing for one too many rounds. I feel like I have done a sub-par job the last year or so of balancing my juggling act I call every day life; wife, mother, employee, friend etc. So much to do so little time! I wish I were a better mom, a better wife, a better scriptorian, a better friend, a better runner, more creative, more positive, more organized, more thoughtful and kind, less harsh and judgmental, a better housekeeper, a better PERSON!
I constantly wonder what it will be like, and wish that I could fast forward 10-15 years when (Hallelujah) we will be done with school and the child bearing years. Matt will have a PERFECT job and we'll live in a beautiful little place with an extra bedroom, basement and a backyard where I can plant a garden. I wont have a job except being the best wife and mother to our 4 children, (yes I think I want 4... we'll see about that haha) and I will have a husband that actually comes home to me at 6 and eats dinner with us, rather than coming home at 9:45-10:30 completely exhausted. Then I will have time to make treats for the neighbors, make little crafts for my friends for their birthdays, have time to volunteer in the community, have money to try new recipes and learn how to play the piano. (This is my dream world idea of what me and my family will be like... I highly doubt it will be like this but I wish it could be!)
Well I read this yesterday on another friend’s blog, it's a snippet from the book Creating a Charmed Life. I haven't read anything from the book but this, but I just may pick it up and give it a go.
"Somehow the notion cropped up that we'd better do everything today. The idea took hold, and now almost everybody believes it. This is why so many women are running nonstop just to keep up. In a frantic attempt to realize their dreams, the dreams retreat and the frantic feeling takes hold.
A charmed life is different, because you live it in chapters, the way you would read a long novel. When you're engrossed in a story, nothing exists except what is happening now. Even though chapter 10 is laying the foundation for chapter 11, the book only makes sense one chapter at a time.
When you live your life this way--focusing on one chapter now, another later--you can devote more unfettered attention to what is yours to do at this time of your life, a time that will never come again. Look at the chapter you're now living. You may be in the college chapter, the crummy-first-job chapter, the home-with-small-kids chapter, or the second-career chapter. Circumstances can certainly make things more complicated and less clear-cut than these examples, but if you can keep in mind the main point of your present life chapter, you can give it priority.
Chapter living is the rational way to "have it all", because when you live this way you're not expecting to have it all at once. Its essence is paying close attention to the current chapter and not worrying about what you may be missing from prior or future ones. Their times are past, or yet to come.
The key is letting go of the compulsion to pursue every possible opportunity right now--even if pursuing it means a crowded life, an alienated family, or a hospital stay for exhaustion. That old saying about opportunity only knocking once is archaic as the flat-earth theory and as patently untrue. Opportunity knocks all the time--and it rings your doorbell, calls you up, and send you e-mails.
Ignore the message the keeps repeating "You aren't getting any younger." It's true, of course, in the literal sense, but the unspoken rest of the sentence--"and therefore you'd better do everything now"--is hogwash.....maturity helps, rather than hinders, any dream or aspiration you have....
Decide what chapters you want in your life story. Accept that fate may insert a few others. Give yourself without reservation to the chapter you're on. Trust that living this chapter fully will prepare you for what will next unfold. Don't worry that a choice like putting off college to volunteer overseas or taking time from your career to be with your children is foolhardy. Such an experience will make you richer as a person and more valuable to the world. It could also be the finest chapter in your biography."
So thanks for the reality check, I need to enjoy living in this chapter of my life because after all with out this one, I wouldn’t make it to the next chapter! I know some day I’ll look back on this chapter with fondness and it will make me and my family stronger together.
