Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1Pda2uu Happy Memorial Day.

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/256Q0FN Here is our closing packet... We just signed for our home loan. We are thrilled! The kids and I will stay in Medford with my parents for a few more weeks so Ty can finish the school year and so Matt can get some work on the home done. After so many tears, struggles and prayers we are so happy to be together as a family in our very own home soon. #familiesareforever #fixerupper

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/22bXaXv It was her turn to pick out the Sunday movie. She added Carmel corn to her requests and I acquiesced. I love my Maylee Girl.

Mother's Day

I am failing miserably at the single parenting thing. I was mom-zilla this morning. I was expecting the whole breakfast in bed after sleeping in, children fed bathed and ready, a cute picture outside with me and the kids before church an uplifting church day then home from church to relax and enjoy my family while reading cute little surveys the kids took about me. No bum wiping, no snotty noses, no whining, no peanut butter sandwiches or meals to prepare and clean up. 

Half way through sacrament meeting I was on the edge of tears I was so underwhelmed.

Matt fell asleep watching a movie last night and slept the whole night on the couch. One of my favorite things is waking up to see Matt there. It hasn't happened a lot these last few months. Instead, all the kids woke me up early after they ate handfuls of chocolate Matt left out from the night before. I waited for breakfast... Nothing came so I got out of bed and started getting the kids for church. I woke Matt up and he said "oh, I slept on the couch." He got the kids dressed I did the rest. Ty gave me the picture he made special at school for me, Matt got me a blender (which I liked) I asked Matt to take a picture of the kids and I before church, he was late getting ready the kids were a whiny mess (turns out they didn't eat any breakfast) we were so late there was no time for a picture, I didn't want one anyway since I was yelling at my kids to get in the car. We were late to church (which I super hate being late) then we sat down in the wrong spot my kids start acting up we finally move spots then Emma tried to escape, pulled on my skirt and ripped it. Matt leans over and says "Are you having a hard day?" I about ripped his face off and started crying at the same time. 

That's when I had a heart to heart with myself and realized that Mother's Day shouldn't be a day off for me, it should be a day that I try my hardest to be the best mom I can be. My kids are never going to give me a day off, but I don't want a day off. I really just want to push pause because all too soon Mother's day will be a couple phone calls or a gift or two in the mail. It won't be hand drawn crayon masterpieces or cut out pictures and hearts carefully glued to construction paper. It won't be dandilion bouquets and begging to share the candy bar I got after sacrament meeting. 

I decided if I want a nice Mother's Day I need to make it that way. 

Poor Matt fell victim to another one of my unrealistic expectations that he didn't know about then crashed and burned. I told him about it, probably not as nicely as I should have. Poor guy was blindsided. He left this afternoon walking on eggs shells still I think. I am sad that's how I acted while he was here. Our time together is so limited and I was a brat. I don't know when we'll be together again. Probably just shy of three weeks is my guess. 

Next year I need to be better at Mother's Day. For now though, tally ho with the single parenting. I snuggled each one of my kids putting them to bed tonight. I didn't lose my cool as normal and cherished the never ending requests for last hugs and kisses and back scratches. 

Tomorrow is another day, another day for my 4 little loves to call me mom. 

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1s1YkZn 10 years, we've been married TEN years. I love my guy to the moon and back. I am so happy we could be together today. Happy Anniversary love.

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1ryka6b Motherhood is... Holding back and letting go. It's holding back the tears when my baby rounds the corner beaming happy having put her pants on all by herself. She is growing up and won't stay a baby forever. It's letting go when my 3 year old daughter decides to not be potty trained any more after 6 months and putting a diaper back on her feeling like i'm a failure. It's holding back my inner mamma bear when my son goes to a new school half way through the school year and I want to tell all the kids to be nice and not tease the new kid. It's letting go of my personal space that my 5 year old can't understand and so she's constantly caressing my face or cuddling my side. It's holding back the crazy swing of emotions and letting go of every notion I had of a what a perfect Mom should be. I triumph and I fail everyday and regardless of what happens my kids still say every night. "I love you mommy" and my heart soars. It's holding back and letting go, Motherhood. #acmotheringphotocontest2016

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1W4oqrj This is what it looks like when your parents FaceTime to see how you are doing alone with your kids, while they are in Italy. #iwasntthatupset #justafunnyscreenshot

Sunday Musings

Here's the thing, I actually thought about bearing my testimony today. I felt like my heart is so full and so many crazy things are happening right now and I needed to list a few things that are grounding me through this downpour of life. 

I thought about sharing how I just let go with my irritation of our landlord. I don't feel like he treated us fairly at all. We didn't get a dime of our deposit back, even though me and a few of my friends went through every room with a soapy bucket, sponge, magic eraser and touch up paint. We scrubbed, vaccuumed, and sanitized. The place was sterile and our landlord said and I quote "the place was trashed"  I still don't necessarily like our landlord, but my blood doesn't boil anymore at the thought of him. It took a month or so but I am fine with it now. I have prayed hard about it and my feelings are gone. As I thought about that this morning the first person who bore testimony talked about that. 

Then I thought about how I should talk about my family. I have a friend who is in a very similar place to us, or will be come August. She is desperately trying to find a place to live for a few months while they find another rental, or figure out what to do. Her dad lives 5 miles from her in a 5 bedroom ranch house on five acres. It's just him living there and he said no way to them living with him. I am so lucky that my parents are willing to let us live with them. I am so lucky that they have space and are nice (even though I know it must not be easy having 4 kids so young here, I mean the sticky factor went up 100%) they help me with the kids all the time and I am so grateful for them. 

Then two people got up and bore testimony about how thankful they are for eternal families and what a wonderful thing it is to be part of a happy loving family.  

Then I thought more about how I should just simply go up and say that I am a child of God, and that alone has got me through a lot this year. That I know he hears my prayers and through the spirit I can know what He wants me to be and what I can do to help His children (and my children) here on Earth. The whole house process has been so frustrating, but with the help of the spirit we've been able to do what we feel Heavenly Father wants us to do. 

Then a gentleman got up and literally sang the first two lines of the song "I am a Child of God" 

Then I thought I didn't need to go into any details that are happening I can just get up and tell the congregation that I know the Jesus Christ is my Savior. That he bled for me and I have a testimony of the atonement. That I am thankful for it every day and I can repent and try again. 

Wouldn't you know it, the next gal that got up said it short and sweet. 

So finally, after literally every testimony that I heard (I was tending 4 children this whole time) I thought I am just going to go up and say a big 'ole AMEN to every else's words and how thankful I was for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the fellow saints that attend church each week. There were only a few moments left, I started to stand up when a dear gal beat me up to the stand and said EXACTLY that. 

I don't know if it was what was supposed to happen today, but everyone said exactly what was on my mind and in my heart, when I said Amen today I really really meant it. 

I am kind of glad I didn't get up because my heart fills so fast it leaks out my eye balls and all I do is cry. I am an ugly crier too. 

I am so glad I attended church today, that I could feel of the spirit, be renewed in my faith and just have a good spiritual uplift for three hours. 

I loved it, great way to start my week.