Faith of a child

(Posting this because I have never seen it before, looks like Ty had my phone) 

Maylee prays for a house every day. Ty tells me almost daily that Heavenly Father has a house ready, we just need to wait. In fact, we were listening to Ty's Bible camp CD from last summer. One of the songs is Audio Adrenaline "Get Down". There's a line in the song where they say, "this valley, is so deep I can barely see the sun, I cry out, for mercy Lord and he lifts me up again. I get down and He lifts me up. I get down and He lifts me up. I get down and He lifts me up again!" 

We were listening to the CD on the way to drop him off at school Friday, for the umpteenth time. Ty says, "I know what this song means, just like Lehi's dream. Sometimes you can't see the sun (Son) your life is so foggy or misty, so all you have to do is pray a lot and Jesus will find you and put you on the right path! All you have to do is pray!" 

Well shoot son, is that all? Why do Grown ups complicate things so much? He is right. All you have to do is pray, pray a ton, and Heavenly Father will prepare a way and through the atonement of His son, the feelings of self-doubt, anger, anxiety, fear, heart ache, worries, everything can be taken away. 

I know first hand this is the case. I was soooo angry this time last week. This week, I am different. Everything going on is madness, it's crazy, it's cleaning and moving. 

No we don't have a house under contract. Yes, we've looked at a ton of homes, yes I've lowered my standards a bit. Not a TON but enough I hope. 

Our stay in the school district and in our ward short sale home is dead. There is not really any possible way it will work out. Long story short, the listing agent and seller are both a little off kilter and it's just never going to work. 

Deflating. 

Nothing else on the market. 

We went and saw a 1950's home that we thought maybe some TLC would help it out. It was more of a demolish situation in my opinion. (Cute old grandma who helped build the home as a child was there to give us the grand tour, so I would have felt bad buying and demolishing it.) 

We got in our realtors car she said the other night she was so desperate for us she created a huge search. A home Matt has had his eye on for MONTHS popped up. We went to see it. It's a fixer upper, AND another short sale (NO! It wasn't when Matt has his eye one it 6 mo. ago) but the bones (meaning layout and structure) look good, like way good, like the favorite layout I've walked through to date good. 

I can't talk about it too much, because Matt is all ready too attached. (2/3 acre and a huge master bath with double sinks and separate tub and shower, plus a master closet that could be another bedroom it's so big and the perfect spot for hammocks, a dug out fire pit and putting greens will do that to a man) We're writing an offer up on that one on Monday. 

It's hard to say if this one will stick, we've all ready hit a few snags on it. But we'll keep chugging along. Like Ty says, all we have to do is pray. 

If you are praying too, we are very thankful. I am calm and happy and looking forward to whatever comes. Our kids are stoked to live with Grandma and Grandpa for a bit and Matt is really working hard to get school taken care of and work done so he'll be free to work on moving and house hunting while we're apart. (He talked the landlord

into letting us stay until the 20th, that week is finals week and he is so worried he'll be needing to write papers etc. while we move.) 

What I do know though, is that it'll all work out. It'll all be fine. Heavenly Father knows. I am over the Landlord struggles, I am over the worried house situation, I am just happy to work it all out, daydream about possibilities and work on being ready when the solutions come. 

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1n5GLEB

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1WCgCt5 Sometimes every 5 minutes at church I have a light bulb moment. Every talk, every lesson, every comment was JUST what I needed today. So glad I sat in with Sister Taylor for her superbly taught lesson (and my girl @__kyyyah) on Adversity. I laughed out loud when this scripture was read. Well played Heavenly Father, well played. I may or may not have bawled my eyes out too. #dontyouquit #happysabbath #savioronsunday

Help Thou Mine Unbelief

Mark chapter 9:23-24
"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief."

This scripture keeps pounding my brain. Lord I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

I can't remember a time I have been more stressed out, worried, anxious and just plain angry. I can't sleep, I just worry. I lost my cool this morning. Poor Matt got to see me at an all time low. I yelled, I stomped my foot, I cried, I blamed others and resorted to name calling. It was not my best moment  Like I said yesterday, I am done.

I stepped away, I sat alone, and assumed the kneeling position yet again to pray my heart out. That's when I heard it through my sobs, "Lord, help thou mine unbelief." I am handing it all over to the Lord. Why have I wrestled so much with this? I am working on taking deep breaths, pushing forward with packing with the assumption i'll be living in Medford with the kids while Matt stays here with friends. We'll move forward with that. I apologized to Matt for losing it. He held my hand and apologized to me. (Poor guy married a crazy and he's okay with it... I got a good one)

Our Landlord continues to push and press and whine, he has text three more times this morning. I have told him not to text me anymore and he can text Matt. Matt will let me know when I need to be out with the kids while the house is shown and I am NOT worrying about dishes in the sink, cracker crumbs on the floor or dirty clothes. Stepping away and deleting our Landlords contact information from my cell phone was liberating. 3 more weeks... 3 more weeks before this part is taken away and I can focus on the rest of our housing situation. Dealing with both is overwhelming and I am finding it's okay to step away. It's okay that I don't have control over my situation, it's okay to live apart from Matt for X amount of days/weeks/months while we sort this out. It'll all be okay. It'll all be okay. It'll all be okay.

Do what YOU can do, and let the rest go. Heavenly Father knows, HE knows. Why make my burden so heavy when through the Savior my burden can be light? It'll all be okay.

So Done

I am physically sick over this. Matt and I went on a date tonight. We FINALLY went to see the new Star Wars movie. It was cheesy and perfect. I loved being with just my guy munching on Charleston Chews and Swedish Fish cracking jokes and holding hands. I checked out from reality for a rare few hours and it was glorious. On our rare date nights I always keep my phone on vibrate, just in case our sitter needs anything.

During the movie my phone vibrated, I glanced at the lock screen, it was from our Landlord asking to show the home again. I didn't read the text, I just watched the movie. An hour later my phone vibrates again, it's him again saying he text an hour ago with no response and he needs a response as soon as possible. After the movie was over I read the full texts. HE WANTS TO SHOW THE HOME AT 9 FREAKING AM SUNDAY MORNING, that's tomorrow. You've got to be kidding me. He said that if we cant do it then, that the wife can come see it any time before noon, but not between noon and 4 pm but after that, and if she likes it then the Husband will have to walk through another time so it's in our interest to just have them walk through at 9 am. The only decent time for us the home can be shown is tomorrow from 1-4 pm while we are at church. Matt had told him in a text yesterday that if he wanted to show the home on the weekend between 1-4 pm on Sunday would be the best time. I text him back and reminded him that was the best time for us, and those other times wouldn't work. NINE A.M.!!!! REALLY?? I also said that if possible 24-48 hours notice would be nice. I sent it to him at 9:30 pm.

He wrote back a ridiculously long text about how nice he's been as our landlord and we've had a good relationship until now (more like he's walked all over us giving us a few hours notice before he wants to show the home, waiting weeks to deposit our rent checks, not fixing broken things like the garage door for weeks/months and giving us attitude like we're the ones who broke it when HONEST TRUTH it was wear and tear NOTHING we did) and how he needs to sell the house to pay for his daughters college education. He said he is very protective of our things when people do walk through and he has had to turn people away who have parked in front of our house and called him to tell us to leave so they can walk through with their agent. He says he has our best interest in mind when scheduling these walk throughs.

NINE A.M. REALLY??? That's our best interest?

So frustrating. He clearly does not know what it's like to have 4 kids 6 and under. I get it, he wants to sell the house but for pete's sake can we LIVE here until the 30 notice is up? I have googled tenant rights with no conclusive answers. Our Real Estate agent says legally he has to give us 48 hours notice to show the home and we can refuse to leave, forcing him to show the home with us home.

Question is, is it worth it to push back and pitch a fit or should we just say "Okay, you can run our lives. I'll spend a few hours or to tidying up and leave for an hour with all my children while you show the home everyday for the next 3 weeks."?

I am tired of letting him show our home. I specifically told him we did NOT want to live here while he had the house on the market and him trying to show the home with us here wouldn't work. He has it listed as for sale by owner right now on Zillow, It's not even listed with an agent (yet). He is trying to save money by doing it himself I think.

BOTTOM LINE, I am tired of sitting in the nursery room of the church for an hour every other day. I am tired of sweeping, mopping, taking out the trash, and telling the girls they can't play with the toys in their room because the house will be shown that day. We are not a messy family, but I think I am ready to just up and leave for showings and not care that Ty's underwear is on the floor, a dirty diaper is by the back door and cracker crumbs are all over the carpet.

Really, I am just tired of it all. I am physically and emotionally tired of this roller coaster. I want off. I am nauseated and need to be done. I want to be done with our Landlord SO BAD, but I also need a place to live.

GAH! LIFE! WHY!

Pray Pray Pray for peace and patience. My attitude, my response is all I have control over. I'm feeling pretty beat down... Resilience is our word this year so far. Why did I have to pick THAT word. Next year i'm picking "staying humble with affluence" or something more provincial like that... haha

p.s. Gracie is doing pretty well now. She was happy as a clam today with minimal coughing and wheezing hooray for that! A bright spot!

Valentine's and other updates

My parents came up for Valentine's weekend. We went to OMSI, voodoo doughnuts and Black Bear with HD and co. Sunday, Valentine's day, we went to stake conference and ate a yummy dinner and lack luster desert. I think I over cooked the cake. HD got sick so we didn't see them the rest of the weekend. Monday we shot off Ty's rockets with the booster. The first time it landed in a tree behind someone's house. Matt climbed the tree and with the help of another neighbor got it. We untangled it and shot it off again, after a lot of searching we found it a second time and with the combined efforts of my Dad and Matt we got it out of the tree. After all that hard work we went to Five guys for lunch and my parents headed home. 

Emma and Gracie were playing today, Emma says "ewww I smell poop. MOOOM Gracie has a poopy diaper!" I go to change Grace's diaper it's not poopy. I sniff to the source... EMMA. Yeah girl, your poop smells too. I laughed pretty hard at that. I changed her diaper and she said it smelled much better. Can you believe she still isn't potty trained??? Oh Emma, some day. 

Today I was trying to get Ty to understand how to manage time. I said, it's 8:53, we need to leave at 9:00, so how many minutes before we need to go? Ty was scratching his head. So I said, what is 10 minus 3? He was about to answer and Maylee chimes in with "SEVEN!" I was so shocked. Then when Ty was upset Maylee knew the answer before him ( which was very quick to follow) I asked him what 9 plus 7 was. He said, " well, 9 + 7 is the same as 8+8 which is the same as 4X4 so all I have to do is count to 4, 4 times... The answer is 16!" I got a good laugh out of that. He came up with the answer. Pretty sure that's common core math there. Not sure if I like it or not. Matt told me next time to tell him to just add one to make it 10 + 7 then subtract one from the answer. My brain simply says memorize that answer or count it out. Anyway you get there it's right I suppose. Then later in the day, Matt and I tested Maylee's quick Math skills. Matt said "what is 2+3?" Maylee's answer? "Eight!!" Yeah her 10 - 3 was definitely a lucky guess. However she is an excellent counter and can count til you tell her to stop, which for me was about 50. I think actually she went from 50 to 90 so I am going to say she can count to 50. Also, 30 and 40 sound very similar when she says them. More like fir-ty and forty. Maylee girl doesnt say R's well, or any sort of th sounds. I think it's cute, I bet she'll have speech therapy at school though. Ty is always correcting her and I tell him not to worry about it she'll get it eventually. 

Gracie is not feeling well. Still. Not sure if it's still the Brochiolitis or what but she won't let me put her down. She follows me with "mom mom mom" forever then cries and whines until I pick her up. Then cries and whines more when I don't do her bidding. I did the dishes one handed with her on my hip. It was ridiculous. 

On the housing front we have less than 30 days to move. We have an offer in on a short sale, but it's complicated. I had a frank discussion with my agent tonight about my understanding of real estate law and how I was tired of being jerked around. We thought the answers to our prayers came on the market today. We went and saw a home. The lay out was not good, plus we'd have to gut it before we moved in. It was a fixer upper for sure, but not one I was willing to fix up. I was so excited too! Turns out the listing pictures were from when it was newly constructed. A little misleading! The walk through was super awkward too. It's currently a rental and I don't think anyone over 21 lives there. The master bedroom had bunk beds and all teen/kids clothes in the closet. There was a queen size bed downstairs in the living room and a teenage boy sitting alone in the dark in one of the rooms. Creepy. It was small, choppy and just plain trashed. Matt wonders if my taste is too expensive or if I am too picky. I understand this is a "starter" home. But I don't think I am being too picky. Not that he wanted to put an offer in on this home, but he doesn't know if anything will come on the market in our price range, that I like. I am confident there will be OR our offer on the other home will go through. Monday morning I am going to call the Title company and ask them what the hold up is to clear the title. I did it for years, I worked real estate and title I know what needs to happen. I've been given various answers over the last two months but I am done accepting them. Also, our agent Carolyn is going to call the listing agent again tomorrow to see if there is anything we can possibly do to push this deal through. Hopefully something comes of a little digging. We have a copy of the title report, I'll clear it myself if I have to! Well I am going to do a little research on real estate law in WA tomorrow too, to make sure it's the same as my knowledge of Utahs real estate law. 

So yeah, we pray a lot, wonder if we're doing it right a lot and hope our kids don't hate us for being so impatient with them. We are trying to have serious discussions all the time and get interrupted frequently with "she pushed me!" Or "I am hungry" or "I stepped on that toy and hurt my toe" I have little patience for that talk. I need to work on being nicer even though my life is such a mess. The kids hear us talking about everything all the time, but I don't know what they actually understand. Matt and I have differing opinions, so things get discussed with a little more animation than the kids usually see I think. We don't fight at all, we are just sharing thoughts and opinions. I think Ty gets it but the rest are clueless. The second he got wind of move in with Grandma and Grandpa for a while he was totally on board with that. We'll see how it all shakes out. Only God knows and we'll trust what He has in store for us. 

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/217dGb2 Urgent Care with the Babe. Trying to avoid RSV, definitely Bronchiolitis though. Anyone have a spare humidifier? #shesatrooper

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1WlHyNJ Happy Valentine's Day! Love to all. #happyvalentinesday

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/1PVx9Yr This years photo shoot was impossible, the lighting was wrong, I had to wake up half the kids from naps, the rest didn't want to wear church clothes, Maylee had a fever... However, they love each other and being together with them gives me a big smile on my face. It always ends up in giggles and poor Ty getting mauled with hugs and kisses. #happyvalentinesday

Valentine's Funnies

In Honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I would share two of the funniest things Matt has ever told me. Anyone that knows me, knows I think my guy is the tip top cream of the crop. I still think this, even after the things he said. In the moment even, I laughed about them. Marriage is the best.

"Yeah, I've never been attracted to 'pretty' girls."
(He meant something else, by pretty, obviously haha)

(While 7 months pregnant in the heat of the summer with child #4 in a 5 year time span)
Him: "Hey, lets do a camping trip, or a day trip to the beach"
Me: "Ugh, that sounds like a lot of work, you take the kids, i'll stay home and take a nap."
Him: "Mick, I remember when you used to be fun. You're no fun anymore."

Kids.

Ty: Mom, I thought I was just going to toot but ummm well something else came out instead can you help me?

Emma: standing alone in the hallway with her back turned to me she blurts, "I can't drive! I'm a Goose!" 

Gracie: standing alone in the toy room, screaming "MOOOOOOOOM! Mooooooooooom"  I come to her and say "what?" She looks at me like I'm the crazy one. 

Maylee: Can I have a Rice Krispie treat?
Me: no, you've had three today all ready. 

Maylee: okay, I'll just have a Marshmalow then. 

Me: ahhhghhghgh 

Instagram Fun

via Instagram http://ift.tt/20fuEld Guys, as I lie in the dying hole please post something interesting on Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook. Matt is watching Civil War documentaries and I can't handle it anymore. #iallreadywatchedprideandprejudicetwice #hopetheantibioticskickinsoon

Ty's thoughts

I have been making meals for a few friends who have had babies recently or have been sick. One night a few weeks ago while I was trying to get the food in the oven in enough time Ty wanted me to stop everything and help him with something. I explained what I was doing and why I was rushed. His response was, "Don't DADS know how to make dinner???" I told him they probably do, but it's just a nice thing to do for our friends and that when he is grown with his own family, his wife would LOVE for him to make her dinner when she's had a baby (or anytime for that matter). He's going to be a good husband someday.